A Marshmallow: Chapter 36
Chapter 36: Big brother, hug
Even when he was kidnapped at a young age, even when he was in a gunfight with fugitives alone, with only a few bullets left, even when a bullet hit the car window, narrowly missing his temple.
Even in his first year after graduating from the police academy, he went deep undercover in criminal groups.
And now he couldn't help but realize he was afraid of the little girl in front of him crying.
She bit her trembling lips, her eyes damp with moisture, brewing a storm. Like an abandoned child, bearing the fear and helplessness that she shouldn't have at her age.
He bent down, placing his hand on her shoulder and gazing at her, "Go wash your face, brush your teeth, and then go to sleep, okay?"
Gu An sobbed, turning into a soft whimper, looking even more pitiful. She wiped away her tears haphazardly, nodding obediently, and with teary eyes, she asked, "Can you stay with me for a while?"
Jiang Yan patted her head gently and nodded.
Just like the time when she had watched a horror movie and the power had gone out in their house.
Back then, she and he weren't like now, Jiang Yan was still a distant and indifferent big brother to her.
A big brother she liked but was afraid to get close to.
When did he quietly change, his icy eyes softened, and more and more often, he allowed her to see his dimples.
It was already midnight, Gu Zhen came back, took a shower, and went back to work.
Gu An's head was a mess from crying, she was both sad and tired, and her eyelids started to fight each other, stuck to her pillow.
Jiang Yan's clean voice and his faint, pleasant scent were like a tranquilizer, casting a warm, gentle glow on his aloof figure, making it look approachable, no longer distant.
Gu An closed her eyes, her breathing became steady and long.
Jiang Yan bent over to turn off the bedside lamp for her, and the distance between the two suddenly shrank. Close enough for him to see the tiny fuzz on her cheek, close enough for her shallow breath to brush against his jaw, and her straight, upturned nose and rosy lips were all within a short reach.
His slender fingers gently brushed away the tears stuck to her eyelashes.
In the vastness of the starry night, all sounds were hushed.
His clean voice sounded like a sigh, helpless and fond, "What am I going to do with you?"
-
At 1 AM, the black Land Cruiser disappeared into the night, heading towards the Jing City Police Department.
This city had fallen into a deep slumber, but the Jing City Police Department building operated like an unceasing machine, tirelessly working day and night for the public good.
In this group, sacrifices were made daily. Jiang Yan had long embraced life and death lightly, haunted by countless midnight dreams of a battlefield with bullets and blood. His master, his brothers, his drug-sniffing dog – they all reminded him that the living must carry on with warmth.
During the 711 major case crackdown, Gu Zhen asked him why he became a police officer.
He replied, "Because someone saved me."
Gu Zhen clicked his tongue and lazily said, "I see."
He then asked, "And you, why did you become a police officer?"
"My grandfather was a detective, and our family greatly admired him," Gu Zhen said in a low voice. "That little brat is not living well, and I need to bring her back as soon as possible."
Six years in the force, injured, in pain, fallen, and on the brink of death.
But with a mission in his heart, faith unshaken, he had never regretted, despaired, retreated, or avoided.
The cold moonlight outlined his tall and lonely figure. Jiang Yan, dressed in black, knocked on the chief's office door.
"Please come in."
Jiang Yan nodded. "Director Shen."
The soon-to-retire old leader, already in his sixties with white hair at his temples, was still on the frontlines day and night. "Why are you here?"
Jiang Yan spoke with a cold and steady voice. "If a comrade needs to be dispatched to the southwestern border for the 629 murder case, I am a more suitable candidate than Gu Zhen."
"For the public, I have experience dealing with the drug lord of the 711 major case, working undercover for two years without exposing my identity. At that time, Gu Zhen was the one responsible for coordinating with me and knew nothing about the inside of the drug traffickers."
"Regarding the private matters."
Before him, the young Gu An overlapped with the nineteen-year-old Gu An, crying, throwing tantrums, being afraid, and anxious. Most of the time, she smiled with her little tiger teeth.
If he could, he would give her the whole world.
If not, he wished her a worry-free life.
Jiang Yan's voice softened involuntarily, his gaze as clear as water.
"Regarding the private matters, Gu Zhen has a little sister."
"Not even nineteen yet, and he's her only family."
The next morning, Gu Zhen received notice that there were other arrangements, and he didn't need to go to the southwestern border.
He went to the captain's office to inquire. The captain looked at him, furrowing his brows, "Do you understand confidentiality rules? Don't ask what you shouldn't."
Next, before he could collect himself, he was reassigned to another serious crime unit due to a shortage of manpower for a recent cross-district case. That made him go to support it, as reported today.
Gu An received a call, and couldn't help but cry, tears dripping, "I was so scared..."
The person on the other end of the phone unusually smiled gently, "Scaredy-cat, wait for big brother to bring you delicious food when he returns from his business trip."
Gu An chuckled through her tears, "Buy more, don't be stingy."
"Alright, take care and remember to lock the door at home."
Gu Zhen was on a business trip, and Jiang Yan was very busy, leaving her alone at home.
Wrapped in a small blanket, she adjusted the air conditioning. The sunlight was lovely, and the air had warm hues. Her newly bought flowers adorned the corners, and her pet, Zai Zai, affectionately guarded her.
She didn't want to cry, but the tears couldn't be stopped.
When she finally saw Jiang Yan, it was two days later in the evening, and her eyes instantly lit up.
She had been home alone for several days, talking to Zai Zai, who annoyed her. Meeting someone, especially someone she liked, made her chatter incessantly.
Wherever Jiang Yan went, she followed closely, like sticky rice balls.
Usually, although Jiang Yan was a man of few words, he listened to her attentively, occasionally responding with a gentle 'Hmm' or looking at her warmly, even rubbing her head with a smile.
But today, Jiang Yan was acting strangely, silent like when she first met him, emitting an icy aura that kept people at bay.
Maybe he's just very tired?
She shouldn't bother him like this...
There were noticeable dark circles under Jiang Yan's eyes, and a new stubble had appeared on his fair chin. She felt both heartache and astonishment, realizing that even in this state, he was still very handsome, a kind of decadent charm.
"Jiang Yan, big brother, you should rest. I won't bother you anymore," she scratched her head and made a gesture of sealing her lips, "or if you want to do something, go ahead, I won't follow you..."
It was already 5 o'clock in the afternoon, and they were gathering early in the morning. He returned to pack his things.
Jiang Yan lowered his gaze, "Big brother wants to go out, do you have any recommendations?"
"But you look so tired," Gu An expressed concern while feeling a bit restless, "Do you really want to go out?"
Jiang Yan responded with a gentle 'Hmm,' his long and dense eyelashes taking on a soft shade.
"In that case, let me think..."
Gu An's brain spun quickly with excitement; this was an opportunity to 'take advantage of the situation.' She hadn't been out for a long time!
The last time she went out alone with Jiang Yan, wasn't it on her eighteenth birthday?
She was wearing a light yellow doll dress with a white round collar, looking very obedient. If he remembered correctly, she had worn this dress in her second year of high school.
"Why don't you wear the dress I gave you? Don't you like it?"
"Not at all," Gu An quickly denied, "That's my favorite outfit. I can't bear to wear it, hehe."
"Can we go to the amusement park? It's the one I went to when I was in my sophomore year, after seeing the giant pandas," she looked up with her adorable little head, her clear eyes full of anticipation, "Can we go there again?"
Jiang Yan's lips curved slightly, "Sure."
Gu An was so happy that her cheeks reached the sky, and she couldn't help but skip along, even though just a few days ago, she was crying for Gu Zhen's dangerous mission.
Today! The person she liked was going to take her out to play!
Why was life being so good to her?
She followed Jiang Yan eagerly, full of joy, until Jiang Yan stopped, and she accidentally bumped into his back.
Gu An's small face instantly wrinkled into a ball, "Ouch, it hurts..."
Jiang Yan sighed, bent down to rub her forehead, "Is it okay?"
Gu An's temper vanished instantly, but she still enjoyed being taken care of by him, and mumbled softly, "No, it hurts a lot, it's all your fault... why did you suddenly stop..."
Jiang Yan's eyebrows raised slightly, looking both mischievous and gentle, his words pronounced clearly: "Big brother needs to shower and shave, do you want to come along?"
Gu An's eyes widened involuntarily, and she "biu" leaped to the small loft, blushing and with a racing heart.
The dress Jiang Yan gave her was a precious item in her wardrobe.
When she wasn't wearing it, it was stored in a dust bag, and all her other clothes had to maintain their distance from it.
She changed into the dress, tied her long hair into a half-ponytail, and added a light layer of the lipstick that Jiang Ning gave her for her last birthday.
Jiang Yan wore a loose white t-shirt, black sweatpants, white sneakers, and held a light blue denim shirt in his hand.
She knew... he had brought it for her because he was afraid of the temperature difference between day and night.
The person she liked was truly an angel with fair skin and a beautiful appearance!
"Shall we go?" she reached out to beckon the angel Jiang Yan.
She stood in front of him, tilting her head, with cute little fangs.
She and the air around her were filled with a sweet citrus fragrance.
Jiang Yan responded, "Sure."
This summer seemed to be exceptionally gentle, just like the person by her side.
Gu An gazed at his tall and slender figure, silently hoping that time would freeze at this moment countless times.
"Do you remember that shooting range? We won a little panda!"
As soon as Gu An opened her mouth, the owner of the shooting range turned to look, his face turned green in an instant.
Back then, this young man was so accurate, like a sniper, that he wiped out a day's worth of business.
"Let him off this time," Jiang Yan smiled and leaned to the side. "Your big brother is a live ammunition shooter."
When he said this, the clear blue sky and the brilliant starry night became a backdrop. The light in his eyes was bright and firm, making him look like a spirited young man.
Gu An couldn't help but feel her heart racing, her face blushing.
The two of them wandered aimlessly, and the amusement park was full of couples like them.
Gu An still found everything fresh, bouncing ahead. So, she didn't notice that the person she had secretly admired for years had never taken his eyes off her.
The illuminated amusement park was like a castle from a fairy tale, and the carousel in front of them resembled a princess's music box.
The carousel probably broke down once every hundred years, but she happened to encounter it. Whether that was fortunate or unfortunate, she couldn't say.
But being able to be held by the one she liked, that was definitely lucky!
Thinking about the time he held her, her face blushed at a perceptible speed. She wondered if he remembered...
Gu An sneakily glanced at the handsome guy beside her, and her gaze happened to meet his deep eyes.
He raised his chin slightly, fair-skinned and beautiful with no abnormalities. He asked softly, "Do you want to ride?"
"I do want to," Gu An slowly said, her face burning, "but what if it suddenly breaks down again?"
"If it breaks down," Jiang Yan lowered his head to look at her, his gaze gentle as moonlight, "big brother will hold you."
Just because of those three words, "big brother will hold," Gu An's face remained as red as a cherry throughout the carousel ride.
But this time, the carousel gave them no trouble.
The scene in front of them was overly beautiful, like an unreal dream. Jiang Yan stood beside her, and he seemed to be the most conspicuous person in the crowd, his expression cool and restrained. But once he smiled a little, his beautiful eyes revealed their original gentle and charming appearance, making him look handsome and approachable, as if he could be claimed as one's own.
Dinner was scheduled at a Western restaurant, with the entire city of Jing visible outside the window.
Gu An unconsciously sat up straight, her gentle and refined demeanor like a little lady as she casually opened the menu.
The next moment, she raised the menu, beckoning to the person opposite. Jiang Yan leaned in, and he heard the young girl say softly, "So expensive, let's sneak away..."
"Big brother is treating, what are you worried about?" Jiang Yan chuckled and patted her head. "If you don't eat, you'll go home with an empty stomach."
"Don't go hungry, I've walked a long way, and now I'm really hungry..."
Gu An furrowed her small eyebrows, feeling both concerned and scanning the menu for "generous portions to fill the stomach." In the end, Jiang Yan took away the menu.
He ordered the dishes and asked her, "What would you like to drink, some juice?"
"Our restaurant has recently introduced a new fruit wine with low alcohol content. I recommend you to try it."
Gu An's eyes instantly brightened. She propped her chin with her round face and bright almond eyes, asking, "Is it sweet?"
The waiter smiled, "It has a nice texture, slightly sweet."
"What's a little kid doing with alcohol?" Jiang Yan refused, sounding as serious as a parent.
Gu An clenched her small fist, protested unhappily, "Adults drink alcohol! I want to drink! I've never had alcohol before!"
So curious.
Why do so many people like to drink?
Drinking is addictive, right?
Is it really that good?
The first time you drink, if it's with someone you like, wouldn't it be very, very romantic?
Jiang Yan looked at her, unable to say a "no" and finally compromised, "You can just have a taste."
Gu An nodded eagerly, her eyes fixed on the pale pink fruit wine, unable to wait for even a second.
"In the future, you're not allowed to go out for drinks with any other guys."
Jiang Yan hadn't finished speaking when the little girl on the opposite side "glug-glug" downed a big gulp, "So sweet, so sweet, so sweet..."
Immediately after, "glug-glug-glug"...
-
Gu An, the little girl who had never touched alcohol, predictably got drunk.
Her little head felt dizzy, and every step she took seemed like walking on cotton candy, neither light nor heavy.
As she walked, she suddenly remembered there was someone beside her.
She turned her head and carefully observed for a while, couldn't help but cover her face, her cheeks burning.
Jiang Yan walked alongside her, his hand loosely encircling her but not touching her, just guarding against this little drunkard's first encounter with alcohol.
His denim shirt draped over her, and he wore a soft, clean, snow-white short-sleeved shirt. His profile was handsome with a cold, pale complexion, and his eyebrows and eyes were deep black, as if infused with ink.
Gu An's drunk little brain slowly and lazily turned.
This is the person she likes...
Why is he walking beside me?
Am I dreaming again? Just like countless times before...
That year, when he went on a mission, she thought she'd never see him again and started dreaming about him frequently.
Jiang Yan lowered his gaze, and Gu An covered her face with her small hand. Only a pair of curved eyes remained unobstructed, with thick, fluttering eyelashes, full of bright light.
He found it cute and amusing, "What are you laughing at?"
Gu An put her hand down, already equating the current scene with a dream. However, this dream felt unusually dizzy and uncomfortable, and today's dream was so vivid...
Well, if it's just a dream.
She still remembered her previous dreams of Jiang Yan, the feeling of loss upon waking up, then a moment of sadness, followed by regret –
It's just a dream anyway!
Why be so shy!
Not even kissing or hugging him!
At the very least, she should hold his hand!
Thinking like this, she tilted her head to look at him for a while, and with a shy and sincere compliment, she said, "You're really handsome."
Jiang Yan was momentarily stunned and smiled absentmindedly, "Is that so?"
"Yes!" Gu An nodded vigorously, answering the question as seriously as a student, just short of offering her heartfelt confession, "You're the most handsome person I've seen from middle school until now..."
As they walked, Gu An furrowed her brow, contemplating how to smoothly transition to holding hands and hugging naturally.
But! What logic or natural transition is there in a dream?
After all, it all disappears when you open your eyes!
Without warning, Jiang Yan's wrist was lightly tugged downward, and the next second, he froze entirely.
The child had slipped her hand into his, and then she held his hand.
Their palms pressed together, held tightly.
He cleared his throat, and in the depths of his deep, dark eyes, emotions were obscure.
"Gu An."
"Hmm?"
The little girl was soft and cute, her pupils large and round, her eyes misty, like a lost fawn in the forest, leading him forward with big strides.
Jiang Yan's voice was not as clear as usual, even a bit hoarse, "You can't just hold a man's hand casually."
Gu An furrowed her brow, her voice soft and whiny, her nasal tone heavy, "Why not?"
Is he going to say, "Because I don't like you"?
Even in his dreams, Jiang Yan doesn't like her!
Gu An felt so sad she could cry.
But in the next moment, his long, slightly cool fingers gently held her hand back.
His knuckles were distinct, his fingers slender, his palm dry and warm.
In an instant, the world blossomed for Gu An.
She smiled, revealing her little tiger teeth, walking home hand in hand with the person she liked, step by step.
The moonlight was lovely, and the wind was gentle.
But there was only one hour left until they had to part.
Jiang Yan escorted her to the small attic.
The little girl stood at the door, tilting her head and smiling, "See you tomorrow!"
"Gu An," Jiang Yan's voice sounded as if he had been smoking all night, dry and rough, "I may have a job transfer in the future, and we might not be able to meet again."
"Where are you going?" She rubbed her eyes, still half-asleep.
Jiang Yan bent down, so she wouldn't have to strain her neck, "I can't tell you."
"Can I come find you then?"
"No, you can't."
"Why not?"
Jiang Yan ruffled her hair, not saying a word.
"So, when will you come back?"
Maybe he won't be able to come back.
"Perhaps, in another form, I will return."
Gu An puffed her cheeks, taking a breath. After all, it was just a dream. If she didn't dream about it this time, she could dream about it next time. So she decided to seize the opportunity all at once and asked with sparkling eyes, "Can I hug you?"
Jiang Yan lowered his gaze, looked at her for a few seconds, then opened his arms and gently embraced her. She was still small, not even as tall as his shoulders.
"Come back quickly," the little girl in his arms yawned, already very tired, her voice a bit babyish.
He rested his chin on her shoulder and whispered in her ear, one word at a time, "Grow up well."
"Stay safe every year."
This was the first time he had ever truly embraced a little girl he liked.
On the day he prepared for martyrdom.
When Gu An opened her eyes, the morning sunlight was beautiful, and it cast a warm, sweet scent in the air onto the fluffy quilt.
She had a very, very good dream.
In the dream, she held the hand of the person she liked, and just as she was about to let go, he held onto it.
Ah... She even got to hug him in the dream.
The Jiang Yan in her dream was exceptionally gentle and obedient, agreeing to everything she said.
So much so that she really didn't want to wake up. Waking up made her feel empty inside and a bit sad.
Gu An sat up, and by her side was Jiang Yan's light blue denim shirt.
Her consciousness suddenly raced back, and the images from last night played in her mind frame by frame.
An amusement park, a carousel, an expensive Western restaurant, fruit wine...
She held his hand.
He hugged her.
The person in her dream talked about a job transfer, that he couldn't come to see her, and that there was no definite return date.
Gu An's breath caught, and she suddenly realized something. She rushed down from the attic without bothering to put on slippers. Accidentally, she stumbled into a cabinet, and her fingers throbbed with pain.
Where her eyes could reach, there was no trace of his existence.
"It's okay, brother will hug you."
"Then turn around, and brother will show you in person."
"Gu An, no one has ever bullied me like this. You're the first and the last."
"Gu An said not to look for it, so I won't look for it either."
"Draw, you can draw me for free."
"If you don't want me to talk to them, I won't say a word."
"Do you want me to visit you? Don't pay attention to those little boys."
"You can do whatever you want with me."
"Princess, it's time to go home."
"Be good, I don't like her."
"School security is indeed a matter for the special police, so I'll only protect Gu An."
"Go to sleep, I'll hang up once you're asleep."
"They're high school students, so it's okay for them not to cry. You're a child, so it's fine."
"I'll take you to the movies once, so you won't be fooled by those boys. Gu An, Happy New Year."
"Draw a growth chart and see how much taller you'll be next year, Gu An."
"Be on your best behavior while the kids are here."
...
"Police."
And now, only the cold and solemn blue uniform hangs on the hanger, with the shiny silver shoulder badge glaring.
It seems that in the next moment, you could see that slender and tall figure coming out of the room, standing at the entrance, tying a tie, buttoning the cuffs, gently touching her head before she leaves for school.
But it's more like a silent farewell.
Jiang Yan, male, 25 years old, graduate of the 201X Investigation Department.
Previously served as an anti-drug police officer in the Anti-Drug Enforcement Team and a detective in the Jing City Criminal Investigation Team.
Starting today, he's nowhere to be found.
-
This was a long ass chapter, and a bittersweet one at that, too.
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